As many of you have read from following my blog for the past two years, I have had my fair share of shitty relationships and encounters with men. That’s essentially common knowledge now because y’all know I am an open book and we are basically besties, right? I’ve shared when I have been hurt but I am not too big of a person to share when I have done the hurting.

For my 31st birthday I received the standard “Happy Birthday” text messages from everyone but I received one that I will be honest, I expected to get from someone who was once very special to me. It was the yearly text from my college sweetheart. Back in the day, despite us often being on and off, I was up to my nose in love with him. He was the Dwayne to my Whitley. If you do not know who those two characters are, my friend, we need to talk! Lol.

I met him when he had just crossed into his fraternity and I was beginning my sophomore year of college on the yard. We got to know one another on a long ride to ATL riding in the back of his car that I tagged along with he and my roommate whom he went to high school with. In normal neophyte fashion, he was dripping in his frat’s paraphernalia and was super cocky. To think about it to this day still makes me roll my eyes and laugh at the same time. I thought he was fine but the fact that he was a frat boy turned me off. I had not yet crossed over into Delta land so I viewed that initial “floating on cloud nine as a newly initiated greek” as an annoying clout of delusion.

When we finally arrived at my roommates home in Atlanta he said the cheesiest and cockiest pick up line. After sitting for hours in the car once I got out to stretch my legs I said, “Damn, my ass is asleep.” and he quickly responds by saying, “Oh I got something to wake it up!” LOL. Until this day I have not heard a pickup line so cheesy from a man who took himself seriously enough to actually mean it.

A few months later back in Baton Rouge, we bumped into one another at The Maze ft. Frankie Beverly concert and not long after we started dating. Our relationship, like most 20 & 21 year old students, went on a fast rollercoaster of falling in love. Dwayne Wayne from my fav show “A Different World” always reminded me of him. I often compared the dance between he and I to that between Dwayne and Whitley.

This was my first “real” relationship. Of course I had dated before but that was puppy love. This was the first man I traveled with, the first to have a toothbrush at my apartment, the first meeting one another’s families, etc. Even with as much love we had for one another, there were definitely ups and downs. When we argued I noticed that we were both stubborn as all hell. Him being a very reserved and quiet person multiplied when we would get into it. He would become silent and that would drive me up a wall because I am a communicator. I love to write, talk, and express how I feel. The big blowups would result in me cursing and yelling, truly showing my ass!

There were times he would sincerely ask, “Why are you talking to me like this?” and to be perfectly honest with you, I did not know. My temper would get the best of me and because I was gifted with the talent of being a wordsmith my tongue was sharp. I had not been raised in a household where my parents spoke to one another in that manner so it was truly a case of poorly demonstrated emotions. Back then I had no grasp on how to express my frustrations in a healthy way for him to be able to hear me.

Society excuses the actions of us as women when we display less than desirable behavior towards men because men are expected to take it because after all, they are men, right? Literally read that out loud and you can hear how stupid that sounds. No one, men or women, should have to accept that type of verbal abuse from anyone. I realized how detrimental me verbally tearing him down as a Black man could have been especially seeing that I am a Black woman. In a world where he did, does, and will always face some bull shiggidy as a Black man the last thing I should have been doing was adding to that load. I knew that if I ever had the opportunity to apologize to him I would grasp it.

Since my birthday we have continued to catch up and even facetimed a bit yesterday. I apologized for being who I was to him during the times where I would talk to him “stupid” and anything else I did that may have effected him. He accepted my apology and even apologized himself, which was something I didn’t expect but welcomed with open arms.

Too often as women, we will know that we were dead ass wrong for things that transpired in past relationships but we never apologize for it. We just learn our lesson and move forward vowing to ourselves to do better by the next man. To truly be free of any haunting memories, we must apologize because that person deserves it. Growth comes in it’s finest forms when we are woman enough to put our pride to the side and do what we know is right!

Ladies, what relationship mistakes did you make when you were younger? If given the opportunity to right your wrongs with a past love, would you? Share your stories with me.

TheMonaLita 💋

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