Damn it! I really was a “Tasha”. Who is Tasha you ask? Tasha is a character from the hit HBO series, “Insecure”. She is the rebound love interest, I use that term loosely in this case, of the lead male character Lawerence. Her unrealistic optimism, wanting his companionship, and ability to be the girl who is like one of the guys bit her in the ass.

Here’s a quick recap of what’s going on with Tasha & Lawerence. Lawerence recently broke up with his long-time live-in girlfriend, Issa, who cheated on him with an old flame. Prior to breaking up Lawerence had a friendly acquaintance with a certain bank teller named Tasha. She was always pleasant and encouraging when he would chat with her during his visits to the bank. Soon after he learns that Issa had cheated, Lawerence finds himself boning Tasha at her crib. This wasn’t just a one off bone either, Lawerence continued to sleep with, lay up, and spend Thursday – Sunday at Tasha’s spot. Some people move on quick, right? My thoughts exactly! The general debate is this, “Are you #TeamIssa, #TeamLawerence, or #TeamTasha?” I honestly can’t choose because I have been all three before in my 31 years on this earth.

Let’s hop back into Tasha and Lawerence. She welcomed this man into her home, life, and sheets with every passing day despite the fact that he literally had just been 🍆 dipping in another woman days before. Soon her expectations increased and initially Lawerence seemed as if he was down for something new but fast. After inviting Lawerence to her family reunion and him helping her family with setting up while kissing her all in the mouth in front of her people, Tasha gets a dose of reality. Lawerence attempts to nicely and without injury inform her that what they have isn’t what he was looking for. Of course she doesn’t take it well and reads him for utter filth!

Many say that Lawerence is indeed a f*ckboy for engaging in behavior that led to her believing that they had something more than a “hide the 🍆 in Tasha’s garden” situationship. Other’s will argue that Tasha should have seen the situation for what it was; Lawerence was an emotionally unavailable man who is afraid to be alone and needs a “seat filler” to pass time. Both public opinions are rooted in truth and it makes you ponder if you have ever been a “Tasha” before. After watching this recent episode of the show I remembered two instances where I was either vetted to be a man’s “Tasha” and another where I had been one for a while but failed to realize it.

“Casting for Tasha. Nolita, you’re up next!”

After ending a relationship in late 2015, a few months later I went on my first date. I was nervous but I thought I was ready to get back out there on the dating scene. I recently had just moved back to Chicago from Houston so I didn’t know any “date worthy” men so my Godsis set me up. The guy she set me up with was a coworker of hers, lets say his name was Tommy. Tommy and I had briefly met at a company event she attended when I tagged along to get out of the house. He was cute. A little on the short side, not a little actually a lot, he was 5’5 and I am 5’2. LOL.

The date was a standard date, dinner and small talk. After dinner we went for a drive and then it happened. This man began to drill me with questions as if I was being interviewed for the roll of President of The Girlfriend’s Club of America. Tommy asked me repeatedly, “Are you ready for a relationship? What are you looking for in a man? Do you want kids? How long would it take you to fall for a guy?”. From the dinner conversation he divulged that he had literally just broken up with his girlfriend, like a week ago. This was a bit much for a first date and I knew I would never go out with him again. Even days later he was still pressing me heavy and I knew then what I know now, he wanted a “Tasha”.

“Do you mind if I waste your time over here while I figure out if I wanna be over there with her?”

Seeing how my first date out the gate went, I went back into hiatus. I didn’t go on any dates for months but I did “meet” someone. We will call him Ashton. We both attended the same HBCU but we never exchanged any words until Twitter came into play years later. It started off with RT, Instagram likes, and direct messaging. You know standard shallow millennial flirting. That progressed to talking via text, phone, and FaceTime multiple times a day for months. He lived in a southern state and of course I was here in Chicago. Naturally when you talk to a man as often as I spoke to him sharing thoughts and secrets came with the territory. I opened up to him about past relationships and how disheartening it was to learn that not everyone I had dated had turned out to have the best intentions for me.

Over time we expressed that we felt deeply for one another, no where near love but had some deep feelings for one another. He shared with me that he “dealt” with a certain young lady for years but they never had a title. He described their “situationship” as one that was over but it did have the potential to be revived. That always stayed in the back of my mind as a reminder to be cautious. As summer approached things began to happen and they weren’t good things. Supposedly on a trip to visit Ashton the chick had gone through his phone and learned of who I was. This resulted in his disappearance for days. Now seeing that Ashton and I literally spoke all day every day, this raised red flags again.

It wasn’t much longer after a few more instances like that that he gave me the “talk”. You know the “talk”. This talk was somewhat similar to that of what Lawrence told Tasha. Ashton expressed to me that he thinks I am great person, timing for us is wrong, and that he needs to handle up on his feelings with ol’ girl. Blah, blah, blah! I won’t lie that at first I didn’t get it but after about a month I had an epiphany. It became plain as damn day that, whether done intentionally or unintentionally, Ashton had used me to pass his time while he worked through some things emotionally within himself. I later realized that nearly every selfie he sent me were all taken by his now girlfriend when he would be out and about. Ain’t that some shit? Smh. I give it to some men, the ability that many have to talk to a woman as much as Ashton talked to me but still maintain what was basically a full-fledged relationship takes some skill.

“Just Take It On The Chin, Lita.”

On one hand I dodged the “Tasha” bullet and on the other I realized it after months of my time had been wasted. Glory be to God that I didn’t gift either them with a roll in the sheets, right? Being a “Tasha” teaches you to look at men for who they are in that very moment with you, analyze their actions, and to trust your intuition. All of these crazy emotionally numbing experiences with men have done nothing but forced me to have thicker skin, have a clearer lens on life and love. Never go “Tasha”! Have you been a Tasha before? Share you experiences below.