In today’s world it has become almost normal, if not expected, to see interracial couples but what about intercultural couples? You know the couples that both appear to be from the same background but if you knew them you would soon learn that appearances can often fool the naked eye.

My boyfriend is from Nigeria (Igbo) and I am from Chicago (African-American). Previous to me dating him I had been exposed to and somewhat immersed in the Nigerian culture by a sorority sister. You know, the basics: attended a grand and luxurious Nigerian wedding, feasted on piles of Jollof rice, and enjoyed watching the cat and mouse game between the “Uncles” and the state side version of “Runs Girls” in some local clubs here.

My sorority sister hipped me to the stereotypes that Nigerians have been exposed to about African-Americans and vice versa. Now growing up in my household I was groomed to have an immense amount of Black pride and to always respect various cultures/ethnicities. The picture was painted to me that Africa was “home”.

When my sorority sister told me that there may be some of the older “Aunties” (Nigerian women of age) who may toot their noses up at me when they see me and my boyfriend together I was genuinely shocked. This is such a common occurrence that my friends and my boyfriend have forewarned me to ignore the prejudice encounters that I will experience. I thought to myself, “But wait. I’m Black too. What’s the beef?” The “beef” is that we are not considered the same type of “Black”. There’s a term, Akata, used by Naija people to describe African-Americans. Now there are some I am sure that use it in a derogatory manner to be Petty Bettys but overall it isn’t meant or used in a negative way.

Here in America for those of us that are raised to uphold Africa up on a pedestal the idea of our connection to “home” is romanticized. Somewhere in history the generations before us who were finding their way after slavery, the Jim Crow era, and the Civil Rights Movement concocted a fable that everyone on the continent of Africa lived as one big happy family free of division in each respective region, country, city and community. For example, just because Sally and John are from Africa they can come from two totally different countries. Even in the event that they do come from the same country they may be descendants from different tribes with different languages, customs, and traditions. Its the same way when you compare Northern African-Americans to Southern African-Americans. Our traditions, dialect, and general day to day lives differ on various levels.

Here in Houston there is a large Nigerian community so naturally there are Nigerian men and women who do date/marry outside of their community. The issue is this, the reputation of AA (African American) women specifically as a whole has been tarnished. On a national and international level because of the less than stellar examples of AA women on reality shows acting less than lady like and more like wild hooligans is the image that can precede someone like myself before someone gets to know me. So it is understandable on some level why the elders in the Nigerian community serve a little side eye closely watching to see if I will twerk for a buck but at a certain point it’s like come on now, really?

Now it has been quite the interesting experience running across other African-Americans who also make assumptions in regards to my intercultural relationship. For AA’s that were not raised to learn about and explore different cultures they do tend to ask me ignorant things about my boyfriend’s culture. It’s really sad but I have to laugh because with the internet at everyone’s fingertips and for people to still assume that my boyfriend grew up in a hut and will take me on as a 3rd wife is hilarious. Seriously? It’s called G-O-O-G-L-E people. Use it. Embrace it. It is your friend. Lol.

Also I have found that other AA women assume that my boyfriend is either insanely rich paying for my every need/want or that he is the 2015 version of Coming To America’s very own Prince Akeem who is has a bevy of women to fulfill his dreams to sow his “royal oats”. It’s almost laughable to me to be honest because it wholeheartedly feeds into the stereotype that AA women date Nigerian men for the sole purpose of some financial gain.

Seeing that I am a deep thinker and I enjoy probing the deeper meaning of someones words I like to explore the true meaning of those accusations/assumptions that come my way from time to time. So when someone jokingly suggests that my boyfriend is somehow with me because we have an “arrangement”, I ask “So you see me as the type to pimp myself out? Is that what you’re saying?” Typically they laugh it off, politely explaining away their ignorance and I am left bathing in the enjoyment of smacking that person dead in the face with their own ignorance.

I am blessed to be dating a man who comes from a family that did not prejudge me because of where I was born and raised. His mom, brother, sister, cousins, and friends are genuinely down to earth people who looked at me for who I am as an individual. It makes our dating experience much easier in a sense of not having to take on the “its us against the world” mindset. He and I have found a balance between our cultural backgrounds that works for us. So when those moments of laughable ignorance questioning his reasons for dating an Akata woman, we say “So what?”

Do you know of another couple that is in an intercultural relationship or are you yourself in one? What interesting encounters and experiences have you had?

-MonaLita💋