Now before you even begin to attempt to label me as bitter or some other knee-jerk judgement from reading the title that can be made about a Black woman in her early 30’s speaking her peace – I’m not! LOL. I’m simply over 30 and frustrated with dating is all. When you enter into the 30-something and single club, you enter into a little neighborhood called “The Zero Fucks Given Zone”. I have been single for the better part of 3 years and when I say I am tired, I 👏🏾AM 👏🏾 TIRED👏🏾! Not in the sense that I plan to curl up with a cat every night for the rest of my days but in the sense that I have found myself to google “in vitro fertilization”. Yes, pickings are slimmer than J.J. from GoodTimes these days!

Now my wiriness with dating isn’t solely from my personal experiences with the general theme of “N*GGA are you serious right now?” but also from what I have seen/heard from other women. As the self-appointed President of “W.A.W.A.Y.A.A.S. Inc.” (We Ain’t Worried About Your Ashy Ass Sons, Inc.) here is something I can publicly say for all millennial women:

Dear Gen X Moms of Millennial Men:

A few of y’all got it right but the majority of y’all raised some ASN. (Google “ASN” if you have no clue what I mean.)

Justifiably Irritated Millennial Women,

TheMonaLita, President of We Ain’t Worried About Your Ashy Ass Sons, Inc.

I’m no serial dater but ya girl gets out when she can. My chance meetings have led to dates. Those dates have led to long convos and intense conversations. Intimate conversations have led to brief relationships or that weird space of a refined “situationship”. No matter the route, all roads have led me to set up a tiny house in the neighborhood where W.A.W.A.Y.A.A.S. Inc. was founded, The Zero Fucks Given Zone. When life has led you to where I and many other’s have been vacationing from relationships, you tend to ponder about why you’re not worried about the ashy ass sons of any Gen Xers.

I love men, especially Black men. Y’all know this. I wrote an open love letter to our Black kings that you can read here. So the love and respect is there but my patience is running as thin as a piece of thread if we are keeping it all the way funky with one another.

Yes, I Have Degrees But Neither Are Bachelors of Science in Re-Raise A N*ggaology

I am a woman of many talents and I consider myself to be highly intelligent. Long ago when I embarked upon the path to obtain higher education I was unaware that a B.S. in Re-Raise A Niggaology  would later be needed to date in my 30’s. In my dating life I have come across some very interesting characters. Everything from the narcissistic football player to the emotionally unavailable quiet type and many other types in between. Hell, I even had a date with a scammer last year that used dates as his introduction to set up the con. Read about his ashy ass here. What makes all them so interesting is that it seems as if the concept of dating and how to pursue a woman was something that wasn’t covered when Gen-X moms were out here doing it for the 9-9’s & the 2000’s when the male counterparts of my generation were coming up.

Now I understand that in relationships I have to teach a man how to treat and love me through the standards that I set for myself but I can barely get to that. It’s as if I should’ve pursued that B.S. in Re-Raise A Niggaology and had taken the following courses:

• How To Teach A N*gga To Plan A Date 101
• How To Continuously Display Interest & Effort 237
• How To Connect w/ A Woman Mentally, Physically, & Spiritually 403

The fact that life experiences have allowed my imagination to concoct a fictitious curriculum is a justifiable reason as to why we can’t be worried about their ashy ass sons, ladies. The effort that many men require at the end of the day will deplete you of all of who you are all in an effort to do for someone something that wasn’t done for them. As with any other aspect of human behavior, the very men that need to have the reset button hit on their strategy for dating have to want to do so. There is no amount of talks, subliminal tweets, whining to their mama, feeling as if you have to prove your a good woman or four page letter text messages (you know they typically only read the first and last sentence anyway) that you can send that will speed up their process to emotional maturity.

Do Y’all Even Know Your Sons…Like Really Know Them?

What I have found is that so many men my age lack resiliency when it comes to relationships. As women we are groomed, damn near put through training camps, on how to accept the fact that we will have our hearts broken and that we have to heal to then move on. I don’t think men received that training and have never felt the pressure to suck it up. It seems as if a legion of little Ty’Lishas broke the hearts of a bunch of millennial men in the 7th grade back in 1998 and these n*ggas never bounced back. Society expects it from us. No actually, it’s demanded from us to have a vast larger pool of emotional resiliency than men are.

As a result of this lack of relationship grooming and emotional armor, what key lessons are men being taught beyond the age old “Fuck as many women as you can” life lesson that fathers pass down? There is a class of emotionally unavailable men who lack general dating know how/maturity but genuinely believe that because of their physical age that they are ready for a relationship. Nah bruh it doesn’t work like that.

Gen-X moms, have any of you sat down with your sons to ask how your son is doing emotionally? Do you know where his mind and heart is when it comes to dating? Do you have a clue how he views women and how he handles women? I get that you want to make sure that he is a “mans man” but are you asking the tough questions?

I would love to do a case study about this. You know focus group style. I would gather 10-15 mom-son duos and pick their brains about what I presume as fairytale idea that they have about how their ashy ass sons are moving out here in these dating streets. They would then be able to observe their sons behind a 2-way mirror as they engage in open and honest conversation about their dating lives. Mark my words and we can even put money on it, I am 99% sure that Gen-X moms would be shocked as f*ck to hear what the real story is as to why their sons haven’t brought anyone home.

Real Talk

If Gen-X moms and their millennial sons spoke candidly about their respective experiences there would be a change in how men are dating. So often mothers, especially Black mothers, only show their children one side of who they are. Show your sons the full picture of who you are not just as a one dimensional being as a mother. Share with them that you are a woman who has layers. A woman who has been through some shit. I think that if millennial men had more insight into knowing that the piss poor behavior their mothers have had to endure and essentially take on the chin, it would shift their sense of accountability. People move differently when things hit closer to home. They would learn that the transference of their bad habits and hurtful behavior can have a lasting affect on the women that they are dating.

All shade aside, I really want to do a focus group. Who’s down? If you know a Gen-X mom and her ashy ass son that you think would be great for this experiment send me an email at contact@themonalita.com with their info. Even if you are the Gen-X mom who suspects that your ashy ass son may be a savage out here in these dating streets, email me too sis! In the meantime in between time, I speak with confidence that their are many of us who will continue to not be worried about your ashy ass sons until y’all handle up on this matter with them in a timely fashion.

-TheMonaLita

Let’s work together? Business Inquiries: contact@themonalita.com